MYTH: REALITY:
In our group alone, we have had countless men who have been abused by females, and in many cases, it was their mother who abused them.
Although it is becoming known that women do sexually abuse children, it is often seen as being forced into it by male partners, but sadly women also carry out sexual assaults on children, often alone and it involves cruel sadistic assaults
Workers who support male survivors are beginning to listen and believe that women do sexually abuse children, and although this has implications on destroying the myth that females are caring and nurturing people, it has one story that has to be believed and listened to.
Some people take the view that “it’s such a small problem compared with the much larger problem of male abusers that talking about it would only distort the real picture” If that is the case, consider that until recently, out of a group of seven men, five had been sexually abused by women. A factor unheard of until recent years.
One therapist, when told by her male client that his mother abused him for sexual gratification, told him not to think such dirty thoughts!
A female social worker, who attended one of our training sessions, found it unbelievable that a woman would willingly abuse children, but when informed by a male survivor of female abuse that he had been sexually abused by a female, she had no other option than to listen and believe. It changed her perception on how she dealt with future clients.
The prejudice she felt, and that of many others, needs to be challenged and changed.
If you have been sexually abused by a female, either on her own, or with others involved, you are not alone in this, nor are you to blame for what happened to you
Sadly, they're not marked or highlighted for the world to see, so remember...these pedosceles are right in your world.
HOW TO SPOT THEM!
* Popular with both children and adults.
* Appears to be trustworthy and respectable.
* Has good standing in the community.
* Prefers the company of children.
* Feels more comfortable with children than adults.
* Is mainly attracted to prepubescent boys and girls.
* Are heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. (It doesnt matter who they are!)
* Grooms children with quality time, video games, parties, candy, toys, gifts, money.
* Singles out children who seem troubled and in need of attention or affection.
* Often dates or marries women with children that are the age of his preferred victims.
* Rarely forces or coerces a child into sexual contact. Usually through trust and friendship.
* Physical contact is gradual, from touching, picking up, holding on lap, kissing, etc.
* Derives gratification in a number of ways. For some, looking is enough. For others, taking pictures or watching children undress is enough. Still others require more contact.
* Finds different ways and places to be alone with children.
* Are primarily (but not always) male, masculine, better-educated, more religious than average, in their thirties, and choose jobs allowing them greater access to children.
* Usually family or divorced men, with no criminal record, and deny that they abuse children, even after caught, convicted, incarcerated, and ordered into a sex offender programme!.
* If married, the marriage is often troubled by sexual dysfunction, and serves as a smokescreen for a pedosceles true preferences and practices.
* Even if the pedoscele has no children, his home is usually child-friendly, with toys, books, video games, computers, bikes, swing sets, skateboards, rec room, pool, snacks - things to attract children to his home and keep them coming back.
* A female pedoscele usually abuses a child when partnered by an adult male pedoscele
* Pedosceles can act independently, or be involved in an organized ring, including the Internet, and other pro-paedophilia groups. Some pedosceles recognise that their behaviour is criminal, immoral, and unacceptable by society, and therefore operate in secrecy.
* Some are quite open and militant about their practices and advocate the normalisation of paedophilia under the guise of freedom of speech and press, and uses innocuous language like intergenerational intimacy.
Male child sexual abuse is perpetrated by both men and women, of any sexual persuasion, with no regard towards the "victims" sexuality or safety.
It holds scant regard for who we are, and is about gaining power and control over the "victim".
As children, we are placed in the care of our parents/guardians, family, family friends, schools, and more often than not, sometimes strangers.
The 'Danger Stranger' campaign focused on the danger of strangers, with the intent of scaring children into not trusting strangers, but plainly ignored the fact that parents, siblings, family members, and those other "nice people" especially those people known as the "Pillars of Society", are much more likely to sexual abuse children.
As a result of our sexual abuse, we grow up with many mistaken beliefs, and many Survivors have fallen into a myriad of roles that include alcoholism, crime, depression, self harming, people pleasing, hardworking, etc.
But, far from being powerless, we have drawn upon considerable reserves of inner strength to deal with, adjust and cope with the invasion of our bodies and minds.
Our previous actions in dealing with life may not have been what we wanted to do, and may have caused more pain on the way, but surely we have arrived at a time when we all need to face our past, forgive OUR actions, and move away from the guilt, shame and fear that has haunted us for so long.
This possibly took many forms, but is something that we all need to forgive ourselves for, as long we don’t intend to ‘return there’.
Some thoughts to have plagued male survivors have been
“Perhaps I was to blame”
What we don’t want to hear is pity, or told “how awful” “so sad”, “poor little boy” as that concept is dis-empowering and perpetuates pity for the ‘victim’ and we are then seen as “not quite right”.
We are OK, we are capable of living our lives, and we are more than capable of overcoming the traumas that our abuser(s) left behind.
I subscribe to the belief that in order to heal fully you have to face your abusive past, however difficult that may be, but in doing so, you can move on emotionally, forgive your actions, find inner peace, and be the person you want to be, not who 'they' wanted you to be.
Please break the silence and demand the right to be recognised!
If you want to join, we will support you in your struggle, be 'here' for you when you need us, and help you understand who you are, and what you want to be.
The next step is from victim, to SURVIVOR, which is possible. It's not easy, and involves you telling someone else all those deep hidden secrets, but once started, DON’T STOP!
If you begin your healing journey you need to carry on, however hard it may be, otherwise you will be unable to fully close the ‘floodgates’ again, and why allow your abusers to confine you to silence? YOU did nothing wrong, no matter how much you think you may have done!
If you dont believe that, take a look at the page on Guilt on this site, and then decide how you really feel
“I should have told someone”
“I was in the wrong place, at the wrong time”
“I deserved it”
“Maybe I gave out the wrong signals”
“Maybe I’m gay”………,